"it" just moved
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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