Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
