suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
