some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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