he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
