dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
