I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
