then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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