I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
love makes seman taste better
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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