We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
