If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
