normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
