I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
