Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
