apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
being pregnant is like rehab
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
