Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
