whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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