then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
