Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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