"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
