Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize