shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
