Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
