i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
