wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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