is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
farters have to be the big spoon...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
