So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
