Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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