i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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