before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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