I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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