I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
