Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
