I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
