9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
