is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
