i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
