i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
