the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can vaginas get frostbite?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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