I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My vagina is very pro this idea
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