you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
