Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
