and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
