yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
