I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
