I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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