Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
