pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
