Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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