i permit you to call me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
