they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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