home. puking in laundry basket.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
