i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she smelled like a LAN party
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
