if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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