3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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